Have you ever wondered what it would be like to have a high-profile college football coach as your dad? That was a rhetorical question, OF COURSE YOU HAVE!!
We all know that one dad who has a personality that stands out in many outfits. You have the dad who acts way too young and who likes hang out with his sons and his friends. Theres also the dad who is extremely strict and who can never give their children a sense of accomplishment in their life. And of course, there is the dad who is a complete workaholic, whose only satisfaction in life comes from working.
What would it be like if one of those types of dad was your dad, and a high-profile college football coach? Well look no further, I have gone through process of fictionalizing what it would be like to be the 21-year-old son of your favorite coaches home from college summer break.
In this 3-part series, I take a look at what it would be like to come home for summer break in college as the of-age son of Steve Spurrier, Will Muschamp, and Nick Saban. In this second piece, we take a look at what it would be like to be the son of Florida’s Will Muschamp.
If you saw a Florida football game last year, you happened to notice two things. One, Jeff Driskel has some struggles attaining good passing numbers. Second, Will Muschamp gets really pissed off. Like, really, really, pissed off. I see Will Muschamp being the type of dad who is extremely strict and can never give his kids a sense of accomplishment in their life.
If he looks like he is ready to stab a tight end after a second down play for a wrong assignment, then what is he like when you forget to put your dishes in the dishwasher? LET’S FIND OUT.
Will Muschamp’s son, let’s call him Rich Muschamp, is just arriving back in Gainesville for the summer after a long spring semester from school. Rich walks into his house, he hugs his mother, and proceeds to ask his mother, “Where’s dad?” His mother proceeds to tell Rich that his dad is sitting in the living room watching some DVD’s. Rich goes into the living room, where he sees his dad watching The Andy Griffith Show.
Will Muschamp is drinking DeWar’s on the rocks, because Will Muschamp has not had feelings in his heart or in his taste buds for many years. Will Muschamp drinking DeWar’s is essential for living as the water is essential to a small fawn for nourishment and growth. As Rich enters the room, he hears his father grumble during a scene with Andy giving Opie a lecture on treating people with respect and manners. The elder Muschamp lowly grumbles, “What happened to kids today? These kids are gonna ruin America….” All of a sudden he turns, around and sees his son Rich in the room Will Muschamp gets up from his chair and quickly extends an arm and sternly asks his son, “How are you doing Richard?”
Rich would try to hug his father, but he already knows that Will Muschamp has never hugged his children, nor does he ever plan on hugging them. Rich extends his arm for the handshake, and father and son shake hands. Will Muschamp crushes his sons grip like he is King Arthur trying to pull the sword out of the stone, but this is nothing new for Rich. He has seen his father bring innocent strangers to their knees in public simply wanting to greet the coach.
After shaking hands, Will Muschamp proceeds to quickly ask, “What were your grades this semester? How did you do?” Rich proudly tells his father, “Well, I did not do as well as I would have liked, but I ended up finishing with a 3.4.” Will Muschamp slowly picks up his DeWar’s, and then takes a sip. ”Congratulations, son”, Will Muschamp says. ”Thanks, dad.” Will Muschamp takes another a sip, “Your only 0.6 of a failure”, as Muschamp proceeds to walk out of the room.
Later that night, the Muschamps are eating dinner together in the kitchen. The meal is red meat and potatoes, because Will Muschamp has not gone a meal without meat and potatoes in years, and going without would cause him to go into severe paralysis, and possibly cause him to wither away into dust.
Will Muschamp asks his son, “Do you have any plans after dinner tonight?” Rich says, “Well yea, I was gonna meet up with some friends and we were all going to go see this movie….” Will Muschamp interrupts. “Well, you’re gonna need a good nights rest for when we are cleaning the garage tomorrow.” Rich says, “But Dad, it’s my first night back, and I wa….” All of a sudden, Will Muschamp slams his Dewar’s on the rocks on the table. The table is glass, but Will Muschamp shows some restraint on how hard he slams his drink on the table. This is already the fourth glass table they have had to replace due to Will Muschamp slamming his drinks on the table during dinner.
Will Muschamp gives his son the stare of an Ethiopian who has just watched a fat American take the last bowl of rice in a U.N. refugee camp Rich immediately realizes, that he just better go ahead and concede to his father. ”Ok, dad, I’ll see you bright and early tomorrow.”
Will Muschamp nods in approval and continues his eating of red meat and potatoes. Rich finishes his meal, and proceeds up to his room for an early retirement in acknowledgement of the lengthy tasks he knows he is sure to complete tomorrow.
7am comes to early for Rich Muschamp. His dad proceeds to wake him up, telling him to go eat breakfast before the two proceed to embark on the activities of the day scheduled by the elder Muschamp. Rich goes downstairs, and proceeds to eat his helping of bacon and eggs. After Rich eats his breakfast and discards of his plate in the trash, Will notices a singular piece of bacon left next to the stove, and eats the last piece to top off his meal.
Rich then goes to the bathroom to wash his hands after the filling meal he has just eaten. While he is washing his hands, he hears a deep, manly shriek exude from the kitchen. He then quickly hears glass break while he is frantically finishing washing his hands. He runs from the bathroom and sees the bay window of the kitchen completely broken open. Will Muschamp then gives his son this look.
Will Muschamp then says to his son, frothing at the mouth like a dog you saw in the Warner Brother cartoons as a child, “DID YOU TAKE THE LAST PIECE OF BACON!!???” Rich says quietly, in horror, “Yea dad, I took the last piece.” Will Muschamp walks to within 2 inches of his sons face and whispers into his ear, “Don’t ever take the last piece of bacon. Ever.” Rich Muschamp quickly nods in fright, and proceeds to back away from his father. Will angrily grumbles to his son, “Go start cleaning the garage.”
Rich starts cleaning the garage with his father, which happens to take 5 hours to clean. Will Muschamp says very little over these 5 hours, as he is still fuming over not having the last piece of bacon. After the two get done cleaning the garage, Will lets his son know that they are not done, and he lets his son know he is going to ALLOW him to work on Will Muschamp’s 1970 Shelby GT that he has been fixing up for years.
To Rich, this is a sense of accomplishment. He gets to work on his father’s prized possession. Will Muschamp gets under the hood and starts to work on the car. Rich is his dad’s personal assistant as he asks for tool after tool. Will Muschamp does not say much the first two hours they are working underneath the car. During the process, Will asks his son to hand him a wrench. Rich quickly hands a wrench to his father. Will Muschamp tells his son, while working on the car, “You know this is something I would like to leave to you one day.” Rich gets a warmth in his heart and responds to his dad, “Thanks, dad, that would be really cool to drive something that we worked on together.” Will Muschamp hears what Rich says, and continues working on the car for several minutes, and then he asks his son for another tool for underneath the hood.
While Will Muschamp is continuing his work underneath the hood , he then tells his son something to break his spirit like only Will Muschamp could say. Will Muschamp says, “You know I would love for you to drive this car one day, but you still have not proved that you have earned to drive it. To be honest, I don’t know if you will ever earn the right to this car. Actually, unless you really prove yourself in school or prove yourself as a man, I’m never going to let you drive my car.” Rich exclaims, “But dad, I have worked on this car with you for years! You’re really never going to let me drive it?”
Will pulls himself underneath from under the car, and tells his son, “No. What have you ever done to prove yourself a man?” Rich knows when his dad tells him this that there is nothing to argue, so he proceeds to walk back into the house. Feeling tired, Rich says to his dad, “Hey dad, I’m not really that hungry, I think I’m just going to go back to my room and go to sleep here in a little while.”
Before Rich walks out of the garage, Will Muschamp bellows, “Don’t forget we are going to BOTH church services tomorrow, and then we have to do some yard work tomorrow!”
Rich mumbles to himself, “Dammit, I’m ready to go back to college.”