It always seems to be a good idea to watch a game in a bar. What could be bad about hanging out with your friends, drinking beer, having a meal, and enjoying the wonderment of sport, nothing right?
Well unfortunately, the presumed perfection of this grand idea does not always live up to its lofty expectations.
In fact, watching a game at the bar flat out disappoints and will leave you wishing you had just watched it at home. “Why is this?” you may ask. Well we’ve compiled a list of the top five reasons that watching a game at the bar sucks.
With this list we aim to increase awareness of the disillusionment of sports at a bar so that the next time you face the decision of where to watch a game, you will think twice, and choose to stay home
5. It’s Uncomfortable
There is no better feeling than flipping on a game, sitting back, putting your feet up, and allowing your body to become enveloped in the soft goodness of a couch. Sprawled out in sweatpants, t-shirt optional, and relaxing in the utmost comfort while watching your team in an intense battle is one of the most rewarding ways to take in a game. Unfortunately, at the bar, you are not graced with the soothing and contented environment that makes watching a game at home in your living room so incredibly grand.
No. To watch a game out you must get ready.
You take a shower, put on a nice pair of jeans, possibly a button up, slightly too tight in the chest area to properly accentuate your recent work in the gym, and of course it’s imperative to wear shoes… Then, when you make it to the bar, looking fresh in your stiff, inflexible, and not so cozy attire, you spend the next 4 hours in a straight-back (or no-back), pad-less bar stool, feet dangling off the ground, and straining your neck to see the TV that bars so meticulously place as close to the ceiling as possible.
It seems ok at first, but two hours in your back starts to hurt, there’s a crick in your neck, and you feel the unmistakable urge to use the bathroom. So you get up and meander your way through the endless sea of drunks who all seem to back up and spill way-too-much beer on you as you pass.
When you finally arrive at the restroom you proceed extra cautiously as to not slip on the pee stained bathroom floor and do your business while someone regurgitates inaccurately in the adjacent stall.
After the long journey to the bathroom in which you missed a critical touchdown, you successfully make it back to your seat only to discover, that during your absence, it became someone else’s seat and you are now be forced to stand to watch the end of the game. Sound fun? Maybe to some, but I’ll take a relaxing game on my couch and a quick trip to a clean bathroom any day of the week.
4. The Guy Who’s Always Blaming the Officials
When you decide to watch a game in a bar, you have henceforth agreed to watch the entirety of said game within earshot of the guy blaming the officials. No matter what game you are watching, or what bar you are watching it in the guy who blames the refs is always present and always ready to fault.
Typically a middle aged man, slightly greasy, and almost always alone the guy who blames the officials is ready at a moment’s notice to loudly oppose any and every call that goes against his team.
It doesn’t matter if the foul or penalty is blatantly obvious and the official clearly made the right call because there was absolutely no other possible way in which it could have been called.
Even if it had been the most apparently evident foul that has ever been seen in the history of sports, the guy who blames the officials will still, with unequivocal ferocity, fault “those frickin’ morons,” who couldn’t make the right call if it jumped up and punched them in the face.
Does he realize that these officials that he so fervently vilifies are literally paid to know and interpret the sports rules and that they are absolutely more qualified than he to express them during the game? Nope, and boy does he not care. In his eyes, the refs have had it out for every team he has supported his entire life. The guy who blames the officials is characterized by expressions such as, “WHATTTT, how did that moron miss that,” or “COME ONNN!!! Call it more one sided idiot.”
When “FINALLY,” a call goes in his favor… “Well IT’S ABOUT GODDAMN TIME! I was wondering how many of those they were gonna let go before they called one.” The guy who blames the officials is utterly unbearable and one of the most annoying happenings of watching sports in a bar, hence he comes in 4th on our list.
3. The Guy Who’s Watching and Acting Like an Expert… But Isn’t
Although the guy who blames the officials made a strong push to be higher on the list he is fourth primarily for one reason. Although incredibly bothersome, when your team is losing, the guy who blames the officials can, at times, become an ally for whom you temporarily befriend to vent your frustration with. Unlike the guy who blames the officials, number 3 on the list is a guy that is never tolerable… ever… even remotely… the guy who acts like an expert, but isn’t. For some unknown reason, every time you watch a game in a bar this faux fan is constantly present.
He undoubtedly has no idea about anything pertaining to the sport he is watching but trivial factors like this won’t stop him from noisily bequeathing his ridiculous insight to all within earshot. No one knows the exact impetus of this phony expert that makes him believe that he is somehow doing people a favor by incorrectly breaking down a coaching decision or play call.
In fact, no one knows precisely why or how he ascertained that he was some kind of authority on these subjects in the first place. Whatever the reason, this irritating fraud wastes no opportunity to spew the intolerable drool he would have you believe are facts.
Phrases like, “Peyton Manning is an all time great, but I’m not sure he will be able to come back from that neck surgery he had last year… Kevin Durant shoots too much,” and, “Messi can score goals, but he could definitely improve his passing and not dive so much,” characterize this insufferable fool.
However annoying the guy who acts like an expert is, his worst trait is that the further a match progresses and the more a situation intensifies, the drunker, louder, and more ridiculous his blathering drivel becomes. Eventually you will be left paying no attention to the game, but instead considering the time in incarceration you would be willing to spend in order to rid yourself and the world from the guy who acts like an expert… but isn’t.
One of the most maddening things about watching a game at a bar is getting the check when the game has finished. No matter how hard you try to be conservative with your spending, it is near impossible to first look at your bill without your jaw slightly dropping as you let out a weird groan of frustration about how much you just spent.
The problem with watching sports is that they consume so much of your focus that everything else is insignificant and takes a back seat in your mind.
Then, after the game, when your thought process returns back to that of a normal human being, you are left exasperated, wondering how you just drank so many of those five dollar beers. “Did I really just eat three plates of nachos, two baskets of fries, and STUFFED MUSHROOMS? Why would I order stuffed mushrooms? I hate mushrooms!” This happens, because not only do games take several hours to complete, they also become steadily more dramatic.
As you become more and more inebriated, the heightened intensity will lead you from casually sipping a drink and nibbling on a snack to anxiously gulping full glasses and engulfing entire plates. A down to the wire game can turn the daintiest eater into a gluttonous pig, too fixated on the events unfolding on the screen to notice that in your last bite you consumed a portion of your napkin.
As you return home, wallet discernibly lighter, you realize that the money you just spent to watch the game at the bar could easily have been used to purchase a ticket and watch it in person. Thus, money is the number 2 reason that watching a game at the bar sucks.
1. Losing at the Bar
Of all the reasons that watching a game in a bar sucks, number one on the list is far and away the greatest and most exceedingly aggravating.
The bar may be uncomfortable, the guy blaming the officials and wannabe experts may test your sanity, and you may have run yourself broke by dropping way too much money, but these factors are bearable as long as your team wins.
When you lose however, all bets are off. There is nothing worse than when you lose, but in the sanctity of your own home, you can freak out.
Stomping your feet, yelling obscenity after obscenity, and throwing breakables at the wall are unbecoming but at least no one sees you. At the bar, however, you are not graced with the same rules as you are at your house. A broken bottle will not only get you forcibly dismissed by the bouncer but if drunkenly misplaced may lead to an unfortunate lawsuit.
A tantrum of yelling, crying, cussing, sobbing, and questioning coaching decisions is embarrassing, but is ten times worse at the bar, because as the Nike saying goes, we are all witnesses.
When you lose, you just want to be alone. You just want to lay in bed and stew in your own misery, but at the bar, not only are the oppositions intolerable fans there to gloat (and boy will they gloat), but you still have to ask for and pay your enormous tab and then find a way home (hopefully you’ve kept your wits enough not to drive). Losing is the worst part about watching a game anywhere but is exponentially worse at the bar, consequently losing at the bar is the number one reason that watching a game at the bar sucks.