There are two ways to use Twitter: You can use it to share and gather information about people and things that you are passionate about, while streamlining the way that information is passed from person to person, or you can use it the right way.
Using Twitter the right way often leads to angry tirades from followers (or, if you’re lucky, strangers), alcohol fueled rants, and possible FBI observation.
Twitter is a place where sanity and manners should be checked at the door, and chaos should be allowed to reign unchecked. Many Twitter users have managed to prefect this formula, but just a few of them come from the world of sport. What happens when the egocentric, profane, volatile world of sport meets the egocentric, profane, volatile world of Twitter? Awesomeness, that’s what.
1) Fake Jim Leyland (@FakeLeyland)
By definition, the majority of sports fans are ignorant. If you don’t think this applies to you, then you’re especially wrong.
Part of being a fan is the fact that you aren’t good enough to make it in the sport you love.
If half as many sports fans knew as much about the games they love as they claim, 43% of America’s workforce would be actively involved in some professional sport (another 18% would be bookies).
The Fake Jim Leyland Twitter takes great pride in ridding Tigers fans of their ignorance, whether they want it or not. In addition to this, @FakeLeyland frequently responds to tweets sent to him and has a great sense of humor. For example:
With output like this, @FakeLeyland is a must follow for any Tigers fan, but for any die hard baseball fan as well.
2) Jose Canseco (@JoseCanseco)
While Fake Jim Leyland’s insanity is admittedly fake, Jose Canseco left his sanity somewhere in the 90s and has been struggling to produce a coherent thought ever since (anyone who’s read so much as the first page of his book can attest to this). Since leaving baseball, Canseco has been an author, MMA fighter, reality star, and delinquent.
Nobody is sure what made Canseco the way he is, it could be habitual steroid use, it could be the fact that his identical twin got all the brain chemicals that make people behave normally, or it could be this home run he took off the head. In any case, we should all be thankful Jose is the way he is, because it provides the Twitterverse with gems like this:
3) The Iron Sheik (@the_ironsheik)
The 80s were good to the Iron Sheik. Every other decade, on the other hand, has been pretty rough for one of the all time greats of the squared circle.
The Iron Sheik is most famous for being the man Hulk Hogan beat to win his first WWF title.
Before this, Sheik was an Olympic caliber amateur wrestler and coach who defected to America in the 70s, and after this Sheik became a bitter angry old man who grew to hate everyone he ever came in contact with, and Howard Stern novelty act.
I, for one, am shocked that the Sheik knows how to type, so the fact that he manages to post literally dozens of tweets every week blows my mind. And the volume of his tweets is only exceeded by the quality of entertainment which they bring.
With Tweets like this, I hope the Sheik lives forever.
4) Fake Grantland (@fakegrantland)
Grantland is one of the best sports sites on the web right now (second only the TheFarmClub). If you’re not reading Grantland (or TheFarmClub, but you’re here so I guess this is a mute point), you’re missing out.
That being said, Grantland can, on occasion be somewhat…. grandiose. Hipsterish even.
The folks who run the Fake Grantland Twitter account clearly picked up on this trend, and ran with it. The results are undeniably hilarious, and completely irreverent.
5) Ryan Lambert (@twolinepass)
Its tough being a hockey fan. Your favorite sport constantly gets brushed aside by major networks to report on the color of the tie Roger Clemens wore to trial that day, the secondary network for playoff games is CNBC, and 86-year-old Martin Brodeur is in the Eastern Conference finals. And then there’s Ryan Lambert. Ryan Lambert is a hockey blogger for Yahoo. And he hates you.
He hates you for not knowing as much about hockey as he does. He hates you for liking the Red Wings. He hates you A LOT if you’re Canadian. But most of all he hates you because he can, and because you let him. Lambert routinely gets into verbal sparring matches via Twitter that tend to get pretty mean spirited (in the nicest possible ways).
Lambert is unapologetic about knowing more about hockey then you, more about politics then you, more about music then you, and more about what’s good for you then you. You’ll hate him, but you’ll never be able to look away.
Some have accused Lambert of being a troll. But the fact that he’s willing to force his opinion on anyone, including seasoned Ron Burgundy impersonator and hockey mentioner John Steigerwald after the latter accused Alex Ovechkin of using steroids, is evidence enough for me to prove that the Ryan Lambert you get on Twitter is the real Ryan Lambert. Which is either awesome or awful, depending on your prospective.
We’re not begging but sometimes we can be pretty cool guys and what not. So whatever if you want to like click follow it might be kind of fun. No pressure.
Also I’m sorry if I offended anyone by writing an article about Twitter.
I realize the only way this could be made more shallow and pedantic would be to include a Family Guy reference. My bad.
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